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Wednesday, July 18, 2018

Dad's View

June3, 2016 First and foremost let me just lay a little disclaimer on you peeps, I myself am no writer of any kind so if you are reading this please don't judge the grammatical errors and spelling errors that you may see, or do, doesn't bother me much! hahaha This all started in October, I might even say that it started before then. My wife and I have always wanted a child, we have felt as if a baby would just the missing piece of our lovely puzzle that we call our life. All we had ever expected was that we were to do the wild thang, and then a few weeks later boom she pees on a stick and then nine months later blammo! A handsome baby boy! (of course every first time dad wants a boy on the first try!) But, unfortunately it hasn't been so simple for the two of us. I have always been a very laid back and chill individual when it comes to intense situations such as this. My wife on the other hand, bless her heart, is most definitely not. The moment something isn't right she is online trying to figure out why and what she can do to prevent it. Which is one of the reasons why I think we click so well together. But some would say that is just a motherly instinct, another reason why I know that she is going to be one hell of a mother. And we were both about to be put to the test. She was pregnant! We were both so damn excited once we saw that pink line show up! (Might I add we had probably looked at 100+ sticks with no luck.) But now we are finally seeing it and to say the least we are extremely ecstatic! Already thinking about what we are going to have and how beautiful this child is going to be. Personally it was hard to hold back tears, not only because it was what we had always wanted, but just seeing the look on my wife's face was, well priceless. She was glowing! And it made me so happy! I was so ready to embark on this journey of parenthood with a woman that felt so strongly about motherhood and is so educated! Sorry I'm just gloating about my wife now! I just can't help it sometimes people!! =) Then the event that I now look back at and just call "The Day" happened. A little backstory, I am a mailman. Well, I guess thats not much of a backstory, more of a fact but I digress. I am out on my route and thinking about none else but yes you guessed it, my baby thats a brewin inside my lovely wife's belly! Not a thing in this world could have brought me down at this point! Then I get the text. My wife is bleeding, and says she needs to go to the doctor so she can figure out what is going on. I meet her there to see her in a room with an IV in her arm awaiting news. About twenty minutes later, though it felt like an eternity, a nurse came back into the room the drop a major bomb. My wife had miscarried. Miscarriage, such a scary word for a young couple that had been working so hard to become pregnant. Much harder for a woman to hear those words I'm more than sure. But, I can honestly say it affected me in such a major way as a man. I wasn't sure why, I didn't know understand why or how this could happen! I thought I had been doing everything right, all I ever wanted was to make my wife the happiest woman on the planet! Why couldn't I do that? Well, it has been three months since that day and I can assure you that I still think about "The Day". What would that child grown up to be? Where would that child have gone in life? Would that child have said mama or dada first? Would they like sports? So many questions race through my head, but I do know one thing. That baby is with Jesus now, and has never had to feel hurt, or pain, or anger, and I have begin to find peace in that. I believe and trust that one day we will have our chance. That one day we will get our beautiful angel! I will never stop believing that, I hold on to my faith in my God that He will bless us. I hold onto this faith not only for myself but also for my wife! Im not sure if many men have ever reached out and have told their story about the man's point of view on this tough subject, I haven't done any research to find out. But, I wanted to just share this story from my side and I really hope that you enjoyed. God bless and if you are going through the same thing then I encourage you to continue to follow your dreams! Do not allow doubt to crowd you! Mark 11:23 I tell you the truth, you can say to this mountain, 'May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea,' and it will happen. But you must REALLY BELIEVE it will happen and have no doubt in your heart. Today and everyday I speak our child's name into existence.And I believe that it will happen. SAL. AJL.

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